Throughout my adulthood, and especially the past 7 years of married life, and the past 4 years of motherhood, I have realized I make FAR too many of them.
Some of them sound like this:
- "I'm so sorry the house isn't clean, I didn't expect company this afternoon."
- "Before you take a bite, I'm pretty sure I baked the crust too long on the pie."
- "Yes, Anna's wearing blue socks, they're a hand-me-down from her brother."
- "The car is a little bit messy, I feel like we live in the car, sometimes!"
- "I'm wearing a hat today and no make-up---It's been one of those days."
- "Don't look at my legs---I haven't shaved them for 2 months!"
- "I haven't had time to weed the garden beds, I know they look pretty bad."
- "Yeah, the kids are eating breakfast in front of the TV, we only do that on Fridays."
- "Oh, man.....don't look over there, I haven't dusted that table in weeks!"
I could go on and on and on.........
Why do I do this?? I don't have a good, solid answer for it. But, I'm pretty sure it's a combination of a bit of insecurity, mixed with a little bit of embarrassment, some guilt, and plain 'ol honesty.
But, in my opinion, it's NOT HEALTHY.
Being a mom is not an easy job, and as I strive to do the very best I can, things can often get a little out of control, and I think I feel insecure, at times, that I'm not doing everything "right;" That I don't always look "right;" that the house doesn't always look "right;" or, that my kids aren't always doing the "right" thing.
But, really, does anyone care if Anna is wearing blue socks??? Does anyone care that I let my kids watch Curious George while they eat their breakfast on Fridays??? Does anyone care that I didn't put makeup on and I threw on a hat??? Does anyone care that the table's dusty??? Or, am I just doing all this "explaining" to make myself feel a bit better about the situation because of my insecurity?? Probably the latter.
I have to remember that I am ME---unique ME. I am the parent of MY children---I make the choices and decisions that I deem right for myself, my family, my home, and my children--NOT anyone else!
My house is never going to be picture perfect. My kids are never going to be picture perfect. I am never going to be picture perfect. Never. I have to be OK with that. Does it mean I stop cleaning the house, or stop training my children, or stop caring about my appearance? Absolutely not. Am I saying, "Let the chips fall where they may, I'm not even going to try....." NO!
But, let's just be real here....there are days when things just don't go the way we would have wanted them to go, like this for example:
- The cats had just thrown up on the carpet, play dough is in every crevice of Ava's body, Luke has "marked" himself up with pens from head to toe, laundry is piled high, the dishes are overflowing in the sink, I'm breastfeeding Anna, and I'm still in my jammies (and it's 1:30 in the afternoon!!)......... and wouldn't you know----that's the EXACT moment someone decides to drop by!!! (True story!!!) But, you know what, instead of making explanations for it---like I did that day---I should have just rolled with it. Felt comfortable with it. Paid no attention to it. Tried to be 100% FINE with it, knowing that this is just sometimes.....life. But, I didn't.
It's a GREAT thing to care about the condition of my home, the condition of my children and the condition of myself---I should!!-- but there comes a point. Life is sometimes crazy and overwhelming, and I'm not going to be able to do it all---everyday. Even though I want to. And, that's OK. My house is not always chaotic, I try to keep it clean, my kids are not always out of control, and I know I usually get dressed every day! But, there are certainly going to be those days where it's NOT in control and I truly believe I have to be OK WITH IT. I have to stop explaining to other people about why something is like this, or why something looks like that, or why we let our kids do that, or why something is not this, and just.........BE.
My purpose of this post is to remind us, that, our hope is in THE LORD, not in the views, opinions or comments of anyone else. We are measured by God's standards, not the world's. We're not here to impress or please other people---only God!!
If you are struggling with this, whether you're a mom or not, I encourage you to stop explaining and just start being. As hard as it can be, we need to put any insecurity or guilt aside and be who God has called us to be. We need to STOP the explanations, STOP the feelings of guilt, and STOP the feelings of INSECURITY about things that don't warrant this. And just be comfortable being us. Let go of any unrealistic expectations you put on yourself, and do things in the way that God has made YOU to be. Let's not try to conform or feel insecure with the way we roll......
"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect His will really is."